Consumed
by RayShippouUchiha
Summary: When you find that one person who completes everything that you are what do you do? Do you take them by the hand or watch as they walk away? Naruto has hidden his whole life, but when things come to light what will he do?


Disclaimer: Me no own...you no sue...

You.

What is it about you that captivates me so?

What is it about you that haunts me?

It has always been you that is present in my thoughts. Throughout my entire life since the very moment that I first met you, your face has always been on my mind.

You, the only one to ever show me kindness.

Perhaps that was it after all. Maybe it was the fact that even though you were aware of what I was you were still kind to me. Not in the beginning of course, but after sometime you smiled at me. A real smile, something that I had never received before in my life. A true smile just for me.

It warmed my heart in ways that you will never know. In some ways I guess that first smile that you were so kind to give me was enough to get me through the dark days that would follow.

I remember when it all started as if it was yesterday.

I was four years old and already so soul weary. It was September. I had very little faith in the world at such a young age and yet I still clung to the small amount of hope that there was someone out there that cared for me to even the smallest degree.

I remember being outside that day like I normally was. I very rarely spent the day inside my apartment. The landlords did not like it if I was home except for to sleep. I passed by the academy like I did every day to look in the windows and watch the other older children sit in their classrooms and listen to the teachers lectors. Sometimes I would even sit and listen if I knew I would not be spotted. That was how I learned to henge at such a young age.

That day was the day that I first saw the swing. I was curious and as I approached it the bell rang to let the others out for break. I stopped dead in my tracks sure that some other more worthy child would claim that beautiful and peaceful looking swing.

Nobody ever did.

It saddened me for some reason, to see that beautiful old swing so alone on a playground full of children. I just couldn't stand to see it stay that way so I approached it carefully. Almost afraid that someone would suddenly appear and stop me. When nobody arrived to say me nay I cautiously sat down. It was wonderful and just as peaceful as it looked.

So I sat there, and sat there, and sat there.

Eventually I began to speak to the old tree that was supporting me. I talked more than I had ever talked before to that tree. I told it of my life and all the people in it. I spoke of how no one in the village liked me and how lonely I was. It was nice to be able to speak without being afraid of being hit.

But suddenly I could sense someone standing behind me and twisting my head around I immediately shrunk back at the sight of the chunin uniform that met my eyes.

You.

You looked at me and frowned, not in the angry way that I was so accustomed to, but in a worried way with a slight hint of amusement around the edges.

You asked me what I was doing on the swing by myself.

I told you that I was talking to the tree, that it was my new friend.

You frowned again and asked where my parents were.

I laughed and told you that I had no parents, that I had never had any.

You asked for my name.

I grinned and raising my face for the first time I told you.

You saw the scars and the frown changed. It was the kind that I was used to after all. The angry, "What are you doing here?" frown that I had seen on so many other faces appeared on yours. It hurt for some reason to see the worry replaced by hate.

I knew that you did not want me around, no one ever really did.

So I stood and quietly I apologized. I promised that I would leave quickly and I would not bother you again. Smiling happily I ran off before the words that I could see in your eyes could reach your lips.

The next day I did not return to my friends the swing and the tree, or the next.

For one month I stayed away. Then October tenth came and things grew worse. I turned five and for my birthday I received a fractured pelvis, and broken legs. It was worse than last year. I was banned from my home that night and I had nowhere to go, the only thing I could think of was visiting my friends. And so on unsteady and shattered limbs I managed to find my way there.

It was cold, and dark. The way the day that you die should be. I reached the tree and dragged myself onto the swing. I did not expect you to exit the building and approach me. My eyes widened and I felt fear. My legs were too broken for me to run from another beating. I prayed that even a small bit of the kindness that I had always seen in your eyes would be aimed at me.

You frowned again and my eyes saddened. I would have to try and run I knew. Shaking I stood slowly, holding myself up by the ropes of the swing. The pain in my legs was harsh

but by that time I was used to it. Your frown grew.

"Why are you here this late at night?"

"I don't have anywhere else to go sensei."

"Go home."

You turned from me and did not see the way that my eyes darkened further. But your ears did catch the words that fell from my lips without my permission.

"They won't let me in. They never let me in on this day."

You turned back, "What do you mean?"

"It's my birthday. That is never a good day, the owners of my apartment never let me in on this day."

"I see."

You sighed and rubbed at your nose as if in deep thought.

"Then come with me. You can spend the night at my home."

I was amazed and stunned that you would even consider that. So I smiled up at you with all of the joy in my heart. All of the happiness that you had just given me. Then the most amazing thing happened.

You smiled back...at me.

No one had ever smiled at me. Ever.

And when you offered your hand to me I could do not but accept it. I thought, "Even if this is fake and he hurts me later on; even if this is all a lie, this one moment, this one second of warmth...I will always treasure it."

So I followed you home and that night I slept on your couch. I left before you were awake the next morning and you never knew about my legs.

The next week when I showed back up at the tree there was an apple and I knew that it was from you. I smiled again, happy in a way that I had never been before.

Until the rock.

I had not been doing anything to anyone and yet they still hit me. I stood there. Statue still and all of five years old, I stood as they surrounded me. As the rocks and the taunts flew. As they sung their harsh songs and called me names. Children can be so cruel. But I did not retaliate. I had learned long ago that reactions only made it worse. So instead I smiled at them. I grinned with all of my might. I drew on the happiness from that night to make my smile brighter and my eyes sparkle.

Then you came and shooed them all away. You looked at me and my smile and your beautiful eyes saddened as you wiped the blood from my small face. You asked me how it happened and I lied.

I tripped I said.

You nodded and told me to be more careful.

We both knew that you knew I was lying.

But that sadness in your eyes was something that I could not bare and as such I promised myself that never again would you see my injuries. The next day I perfected the henge that

I had learned at too young of an age.

That was just the beginning. As time passed my feelings for you grew until you were all that I thought of, until you were all that kept me going everyday.

Who are you to consume me so?

What right do you have to my heart?

But things did not change for the better after that day.

It was as if for me to keep the small bit of happiness that I received from your small kindness I had to suffer ten fold.

At seven they chained me to the tree that I so dearly loved. That would not have been so bad had they not used me for kunai practice. The next morning was a Monday and I knew that you would be arriving at the academy gates bright and early. It was that thought that gave me the willpower to rip the kunai from my body and slither from the chains.

I cleaned the area as best I could and with my henge I looked normal, as long as no one peered too closely at me.

When you arrived I skipped up to you and greeted you with my normal cheery smile and laugh. We chatted for a while and then I told you that I had to leave. With a small kiss on your cheek I ran off as fast as I could, the sight of your blushing face strong in my mind.

Everyday something like that would happen and everyday I would use my henge to cover the burns, cuts, or welts that were left behind. Everyday it became easier and easier to use the jutsu until it was eventually second nature.

For years it continued, the punishments of the villagers grew more and more bloody the older I got.

I was chained, I was beaten, I was burned, and yet I held strong to the memory of your face and your smile. That was all that kept me going but even that was fading as more and more often you did not come around. Then came the day that I almost broke.

I was older, a very old and weary nineteen when it happened. It was October again, my birthday just one day passed. It was night and they cornered me just as they did every year. I was used to it. I did not resist, objecting just made the punishment that much worse. Instead I smiled at them and followed obediently to where they beckoned.

And like every year before by some sadistic nature they led me back to the tree, our tree.

But somehow by the manic looks on their faces I knew that this years punishment would be particularly brutal.

I was more than correct.

They used jutsu. Fire, water, wind, anything they could think of. They burned me, froze me, slashed at my skin.

I smiled the entire time.

Then when they had finished they strung me up again. But this time it was different. Instead of just the normal ropes, they used nails as well. My hands and legs were tied to the tree. They drove nails through my palms and feet. They fixed it to where even if I could pull my hands from the nails even the smallest bit that the ropes would keep them in my flesh.

They left me that way for the night, bleeding and broken, crucified on my own tree. I passed out from the blood loss.

When I awoke it was late, perhaps two in the morning. That was when I saw it.

There was a light on in the academy window. It was your room. The blinds were up and I could see you at your desk grading papers but I knew that you could not see me. The shadows from the limbs and branches of our tree would keep me from you.

I was content for the moment to simply gaze at you. To watch the way you bit your lip or smoothed your scar when you were frustrated at some students paper. The way you smiled when some answer they had written amused you. I was happy even as I bleed on our tree to simply watch you.

You are mine. At least in my dreams you are. You who are the only one to have ever shown me real kindness. I want nothing more than to be with you.

For you I would die.

For your happiness I would suffer.

For your dreams I would give up all that I had ever hoped for.

Anything for you...Iruka.

But that night I realized that I was simply not what you wanted.

He was more suited to your needs.

When the classroom door opened I was surprised to say the least. I was not aware that there was anyone else in the building. But you, you seemed to be expecting him. Just by looking at your face that night I understood.

Him. You had feelings for the gray-haired jounin. My other would-be sensei.

Kakashi.

I can not say that I was pleased. Kakashi had always thought of me third out of his students. Sasuke came first with his Sharingan, Sakura second with her chakra control.

I was last with my demon.

I knew that was all that I was to him. He could not hide his hatred behind his smiling eye. I was an expert at looking through masks.

After all I had worn one everyday since I was small.

But when he leaned forward and kissed you, I felt as if my heart had been ripped still beating from my chest. I could not bare to see it. So with one mighty heave I ripped myself free from the ropes and nails. Ignoring the blood I staggered back to my apartment, determined to forget the things that I had just witnessed.

The next morning, henge in place I went to see you. When I arrived you were already there. Grinning like was normal I approached you. But when we were face to face I stopped. I searched your eyes and I could see that you were happy. I could do nothing to take that away from you. Not even if it meant that I had to suffer more.

So my grin returned and I continued along my way like always.

But the spark of hope that I had held onto for so long was gone now.

Time passed as it normally does and I saw less and less of you. It started on your side.

You were too busy with him to keep our weekly date though you did apologize and try to make up for it in small ways. I knew that your mind was always elsewhere. So I lied to you each week until you stopped coming at all. I would sit in the ramen shop alone on my stool and remember happier days, days before him.

But you were still happy so I could, would, do nothing.

Then one day while I was on the training field with Neji, one of the few that I was actually comfortable with, something happened.

"You love him don't you Naruto?"

I was shocked. There was no way that Neji of all people knew how I felt for you. Yes he was extremely observant and his Byakugan saw all, but when it came to matters of the heart he was oblivious. Or so I thought.

"It is obvious that you have feelings for that man. What I do not know is why you have never said anything to him. It is clear for all to see that he cares for you as well."

"It is not that simple Neji." Suddenly for the first time I felt that I had someone to whom I could tell this secret. Someone to whom I could confide in.

"Then explain it to me."

"Do you know what it is like to grow up with out ever having anyone smile at you, ever?"

I turned to look at him, my shoulders slumping deeply as my facade of cheerfulness dropped instantly, and somehow I could tell that he was shocked by the weariness of my features.

"Even you, a caged bird that sings for freedom, has known a smile as a child. Birds are beautiful. They can fly and they sing. They make people feel...happy."

"I do not understand. I remember you as a child, you were always smiling."

"Did you know that foxes are considered to be the tricksters of the world? They say that their look can bring misfortune and their laughs bring disaster. They are mysterious and elusive. They lie by nature. They are violent and destructive, especially when caged. Foxes bring destruction and death. It is the same with me." My hands raised until Neji's and my own eyes were level with the claws that graced the tips of my fingers. "It seems as if no matter what I do these hands bring death to all they touch. I am a cursed man Neji, I have been since birth. I grew up without a smile until the day that I found him, really found him. He was all the joy that I have ever possessed. His life means more to me than my own. For him I would give up all else. For so long I held a small amount of hope that perhaps he would one day return my feelings. I hid my broken bones from him so that he would not think me weak. But it was all for naught. He has found someone else, far better suited to him than myself."

"Why do you not confront him then? Go to him! Tell him how you feel! Take the chance that perhaps he could love you in return."

"I can not."

"Why not!?! Why can you not do something for yourself once in a while?"

"He is happy. It is that simple. He is happy where he is."

"Naruto..."

"It is alright Neji. I handled the situation perfectly. I pulled myself away from him slowly and surely so that he would not even notice it. He is happy without me. As long as he is happy then I am content with just seeing his smile from a distance."

"You are the most selfless person I have ever met Naruto Uzumaki."

I turned to Neji slowly and smiled at him sadly. "That my friend is where you are wrong. I am selfish, very much so. For the gift of his smile I would destroy everything you see before you uncaring of any others feelings. So that makes me selfish in my opinion. So very selfish."

Sighing I stood slowly, staring out at the forest that surrounded us on all sides. "He does not miss me and that is fine with me. As I said, as long as he is happy then nothing else matters to me. Not even the destruction of my own soul."

I left that day and never looked back, though I could feel Neji's all seeing eyes upon me as I departed.

Six more months passed and time seemed to drag by. With my hope gone there was nothing left to motivate me any longer. All I did was take missions. Missions after missions. But I avoided the times when you worked at the office and handed out scrolls.

But with every mission I took, with every mission I completed, I lost another part of myself. With my hope, my spark, gone there was nothing to hold back the encroaching darkness any longer.

The demon within me slowly grew in strength as the light that had once held it at bay all but faded away. There were times when I could feel it stirring beneath my skin as it pushed at the scars on my body, the places where its cage was weakest. It was trying so hard to escape and I could barely find the strength anymore to hold it back.

Then the unexpected happened. I was coming in from a mission when I went to report to the Hokage. When I arrived you were there. Smiling and bright eyed you looked happy to see me. The very sight of your smile ripped at my heart but I was glad to see it again.

Then from behind me he walked and I knew once again that your smile was no longer for me. So instead of going to your table I went straight to the Hokage as had become my habit as of late. Stopping only to turn in my report and to briefly chat with the old hag I turned to depart.

Your voice calling my name stopped me in my tracks.

"Naruto! I've missed you! We see so little of each other lately. I was thinking that you could come to my house for dinner tonight."

I turned around to refuse but the look on your face would not let me so instead I nodded my agreement and staggered from the building.

Later that night I was nervous as I approached your house. This was once the place that I had hoped would one day become my permanent home. I knocked at the door gently and was not surprised when it was immediately answered. You always were punctual. But it wasn't you at the door, it was him. Kakashi. I should have known. How could I have even thought that you had meant dinner for just the two of us.

He smiled at me, his one visible eye seemingly happy to see me but I could see the loathing underneath it, the hate for the monster that had killed his sensei. He had never stopped to consider what I myself had lost when the man had given up his life.

"Well well Naruto, Iruka and I almost thought that you were not coming! It's good that you decided to show up."

I grinned stupidly as was my supposed nature and scratched the back of my head with one hand in an embarrassed manner.

"Kakashi-sensei you know I would not miss the chance to eat with Iruka-sensei and you for anything! I just took too long in the shower that's all."

"Ah I see then! Well come inside, come inside." He motioned with his other hand for me to step inside the doorway though I knew that all he really wanted to do was slam the door in my face. So nervously I stepped across the threshold unable to shake the feeling that perhaps this was a bigger mistake than I had first thought it was.

"Naruto! I am so glad that you made it! I was almost worried that something had happened and you would be unable to come!" You bustled in through the kitchen doorway clad in your customary plain blue and white apron that I had bought you for Christmas one year.

I grinned at you in my slightly embarrassed manner that I had come to perfect over the years of responding to the unasked question of what had taken me so long. "Like I was telling Kakashi-sensei I kind of took too long in the shower so sorry I am late! You know I would never stand you up like that and not tell you anything Iruka-sensei!"

You smiled gently, clearly pleased with my answer. "Well I was beginning to wonder to tell you the truth! I mean it seems like one of us is always busy these days! We barely get to see each other at all, it is nothing like it used to be right Naruto!"

I smiled softly back at the only one to hold my heart as my mind went over just what it was that was so different from what it used to be. Mostly it was the fact that things between us never used to be awkward like they were now. So to save you the pain I cleared my throat before grinning my idiots grin once again and exclaiming loudly just how much I agreed with you.

You laughed happily and shooed me and Kakashi into the living room to wait until the meal was completed. The silence was strained as we both took a set on the suddenly too small couch that occupied the room.

"So Naruto what really brings you hear today?"

I was confused and I allowed it to show on my features. "What do you mean Kakashi-sensei? I'm hear for dinner like Iruka-sensei said. You were there when he invited me."

The mocking smile that appeared almost made me want to walk out of the room but I would not allow his hatred for me to ruin the evening that you had planned.

"You know exactly what I mean little fox." I winced at the nickname he was so fond of using. "We both know that you are in love with Iruka. Did you come here tonight in hopes of confessing your feelings to him?"

My eyes widened and my jaw fell slack as I processed his words. So what Neji had said was true! Everyone did know that I was in love with you! But the real question was if you knew? My eyes must have for once betrayed me because Kakashi quickly spoke up.

"Now don't worry Iruka has no idea what you feel for him. He is so wonderfully innocent when it comes to matters of the heart you know."

I did not in anyway like the tone that was used to deliver that message, but before I could make it known he plowed ahead.

"It is probably for the best that he doesn't know anyways. I mean honestly there is no way to know how he would react. You, I mean the Kyuubi did kill his parents that night. For him to find out that you were actually in love with him would probably distress him greatly."

Though I knew the words were spoken with the intent to hurt and they should not have bothered me, I was affected nonetheless. Those little pieces of knowledge had always been in the back of my mind tormenting me anew with each day that passed. The thoughts that perhaps beneath it all you really did see me as the demon and that you really hated my prescience.

"After all we could not honestly expect Iruka to be willing to give his heart to, well lets face it, a murderer now could we?"

My heart twitched. No matter the fact that I had always know that he hated me it was the thought that even after all these years of being my sensei and of being in such close contact with me, he had yet to learn to differentiate between the Kyuubi and myself.

But I had finally reached the end of my rope when it came to him, my patience for his skillful jabs at me was gone.

"I have murdered no one who was not assigned to me by the Hokage. I would never take innocent life without provocation. It is part of my Nindo."

I could see the anger resurface in his eyes, the barely banked fires of hate once again flaring frantically to life. Eager it seemed to turn on me.

"Your Nindo?!" Kakashi scoffed offended. "You do not have the right to even say the word!"

I sighed wearily, the strength seemingly draining from my frame before his very eyes.

"Tell me, what is it that I have done to you to make you hate me so?"

"Do you not know? Can you not figure it out on your own!? Has the fox twisted your brain so badly that you can no longer determine what is right and what is wrong?"

I could feel my anger slowly returning. "The Kyuubi has not touched my capacity for right or wrong Kakashi. It is simply that I can find no wrong that I myself have done to you."

"What of the lives you took?"

"The lives? What life have I taken that held such importance to you? Who have I slain that...oh..." Suddenly it all made sense again and I cursed my exhausted mind for not fitting the oh so obvious pieces together sooner.

"You blame me still for the lives that it took. You would damn me for the power of a being that is not myself. I see now. You hate me for _his_ death, don't you? You blame me for the loss of the Fourth."

"You are not fit to even speak his title. Yes I blame you, I rest the blame for the death of my sensei completely on your shoulders! You murdered him and countless others that night. You have no idea what you stole from this village. You have no idea what you stole from me!"

I sat stone still listening to him speak to me of what I had stolen from this village. Of the fact that I had destroyed families, killed mothers, daughters, sons, brothers...fathers. He thought only of himself and what he had lost. And I told him as much.

"You sit there and speak to me of loss. You preach to me of the people that I have slain and the families that I have destroyed. You are foolish in your ignorance. I had once hoped that perhaps you would be different. That maybe you would be able to see underneath the underneath. That maybe you would be able to realize that the Kyuubi and myself are not one and the same." I laughed bitterly. "We are in fact far removed from each other. You know nothing of what I have endured these past long years. The beatings and the never ending abuse. The malnutrition and the hatred as a child. I have grown strong against all odds, with only one goal in mind. To protect this village as the Fourth Hokage could not."

"Do not speak ill of him or you will taste my Chidori."

"If you were to attempt it I would unleash my Rasengan and you would fall first. After all it is his technique." I cut my eyes sideways at him. "Jirayia, his sensei and mine if you remember correctly, did after all teach it to me. It took me only weeks to master it. It took him years to create it you know?"

I had angered him more so than before with the tone that I used when I spoke of _him_. Kakashi stood swiftly from his relaxed position on the couch and faced me head on, spine stiff and hands at the ready.

"I told you before Naruto, you will not speak of him in that manner! You know nothing about him or how he was. You have no right to know anything about him at all!"

The flames of anger once again burned bright within me and I could feel my temper slipping inch by grinding inch.

"No right? I have no right to know about him at all? Oh but I beg to differ my dear sensei!" I held up one clawed hand when he would have interrupted me. "You will let me finish this because I say this one time and one time only. I will never repeat this again so listen closely."

I stood slowly, using my only recently found height to my full advantage, as my muscles coiled and uncoiled while I paced across the room. I did not in my distraction notice you move into the room.

"You tell me that I am the monster that almost destroyed this village those years ago. I am more than aware of what it is that I posses inside my body. It claws at me constantly, eating at the scars upon my frame where I am weakest, where it would find the least amount of resistance between its prison and escape. It whispers in my ears always, its voice is beautiful and yet horrible all at the same time." I swiped a hand across my face pausing briefly to massage the bridge of my nose. "It is held back now only by my will; a will that lessons with each passing day, each passing mission, and each life I am forced to take in the name of a village that has never considered me as one of its own. I suffer constantly for people who hate me, for people who like you, blame me for lives that I did not take. I am a jailor trapped in a prison not of my choosing or design. You know nothing of suffering until you have spent a day in my life. You and your precious Uchiha always thought that you had it so bad. Sasuke with his murdered family and you with you lost friends and an eye you never desired. Well at least Sasuke had a family once, at least he has the memories of a mother's love and a father's pride. I have had no such thing. And you, at least you had friends, at least you were not tortured as a child for crimes you did not commit, at least you are not tortured still."

He scoffed loudly. "Tortured!? You are being ridiculous! No person in this village would ever touch you! It was by the decree of the Hokage that you would be left alone and allowed to grow normally!"

"Not everyone follows orders when the masters back is turned my dear sensei. If you do not believe me then I have scars that I can show you. My body is riddled with them I assure you."

"Fine then I want proof. Show me these scars that you speak so calmly of."

"Very well then." With a sigh and a rueful shake of my head I lifted the shirt up and out of the waistband of my pants and up over my shoulders until I was bare from the waist up, henge still firmly in place.

"See I knew there were no sca-..."

The henge fell from my body and he was quickly knocked from his speech at the sight. It was bad I knew. Scars littered my body that had no business being there. They were the likes seen only by Ibiki, a specialist in torture both physical and mental. They far bypassed the ones found on the man himself. Puncture wounds, slashes, burn marks, any and every type of scar imaginable adorned my frame. It saddened me greatly to know that I must bear my shame for those I had once respected to believe me.

Shirt clutched in my hand I spoke again unable to erase the slightly sardonic tone from my voice. "You speak so highly of the Fourth and the fact that I have no right to even say his name. You and all the others like you accuse me of murdering the man. Tell me has such power ever existed that would allow a son to murder his father on the night of his own birth?" My eyes cut into his as I let the hidden meaning of my statement impact him fully. I knew what the reaction would be. Denial, rage and anger that such a thing could ever be proposed, and then finally acceptance as the similarities of the dead Hokage and myself resurfaced in his mind. What I did not expect was the sound of a tray as it hit the floor and the crash of china as tea cups quickly followed. Startled and yet knowing what I would find I quickly spun around only to come face to face with you...

"I-Iruka-sensei..."

"N-Naruto...is it really true? Was the great Yondaime really your father? And those scars...how did they happen and why did you never tell me?" You sounded so hurt and sad that I felt what was left of my already destroyed heart shatter and drift away on the breeze with the thoughts that I had once again hurt you with my actions.

Then I suddenly realized that your eyes were fixed upon my body, especially my chest with a look of dare I say it, pity in your eyes. That was the last emotion that I ever desired from you. Quickly I replaced the jutsu in an effort to spare your eyes and what was left of my pride.

"I am sorry that you had to see that Iruka-sensei. I...I never in all my years wanted you to see that. This I swear to you! I would do anything to take the sight from your memory even now!"

"Naruto...why? Do you not find me worthy to see your scars? Did you not think that I...was good enough to care for you as a child? Is that why you...n-never came to me with your...wounds?" The sadness had returned ten fold to your voice and with it what little bit of control I possessed went out the door. The shirt fell from my grasp and the henge that I had once held together so flawlessly and effortlessly fell without a single thought. I rushed to you, enveloping your shaking frame in my arms and rocked you back and forth like the child I never was.

And as I felt your tears soak my bare chest I cursed myself as every kind of bastard there was available. I promised you everything and anything if you would only stop crying, but nothing caught your interest until I swore to tell you the story behind each and every wound and my reasons for hiding them if you would but calm yourself. Bit by bit you settled down and went still, your strong arms wrapped firmly around me, holding me as I had always wanted you to. Unable to help myself I buried my face in your hair and inhaling your sweet scent of sunshine, held you like something precious and sacred to me.

Which you are.

Which you always will be.

I knew now that things would never be the same between us after this night. I knew that somehow things would change, either for better or for worse. I found that I was correct once again when you pushed yourself out of my arms and staggered back to the sofa, leaving me to mourn your warmth.

"Now then Naruto...tell me everything."

"Iruka..."

"You promised me Naruto! You will tell me the story behind each and every scar I see upon your frame!"

I sighed defeated, my will to fight and my strength to deny you were non-existent by this time and so without further adieu I launched into the gruesome retelling of my past. It was a story that no one should be burdened with. I told of each year on my birthday how the mob would come, enraged by my very existence to punish me for sins not my own. I spoke of the first year we spent together and of my broken legs, wincing as tears once again filled your eyes when you realized that you had never noticed.

Finally when there was nothing else left to be told I shakily rose to my feet and made to leave you in peace. Your trembling voice stopped me halfway out the door.

"Why..?! Why did you never tell me Naruto!!?! Why would you hide this from me of all people?!"

I sighed again, realizing that I did that more and more often now, and turned weary eyes to you and Kakashi. "Do you remember Iruka-sensei that day when the children were throwing rocks at me and you came to my rescue? Remember how I told you that I simply tripped and fell?"

I waited for you to confirm that you did indeed remember before I continued with my story.

"The sadness that I saw that day in your eyes was what motivated me to perfect my henge skills and always, always keep my injuries to myself." My eyes softened at the memories of your concern on that day. "I vowed that I would never be the cause of your sadness again.

However it seems as if I have once again failed at my goals."

I turned again to leave this time almost getting the door closed behind me before your voice sounded out to me once again.

"Naruto! Why is it so important that you not cause me sadness? It is a normal thing for a student to cause their sensei problems at times."

Those words hurt more than you could ever know. A student and his sensei? Was that really all that our relationship counted as to you? Then I had nothing left to loose.

"You have never been my sensei Iruka, no matter what I said in the past."

"But..."

"You have always been so much more to me, so much more. At first I thought perhaps what I felt for you was the love of a son to his father. However I knew quickly that was not the case. The feelings that I posses for you are much deeper and much more complicated. I know that Kakashi is probably correct and that this will greatly distress you but I can hold it in no longer. I am in love with you Umino Iruka. I have been since I was a very small child and for that I am deeply sorry."

Not waiting for you to reply I vanished from the still open doorway and straight to the Hokage tower where I woke up the hag and immediately requested an extended mission.

Apparently the look on my face was enough to convince her to give me one with no questions asked. And as I vanished from the room to arrive at my apartment I knew that I would not see you again for a very long time.

Once again I was correct.

FIVE YEARS LATER...

I breathed deeply the moist scent of leaves and trees that surrounded me where I stood perched on a tree limb a short distance from the main gates of Konoha. I could see that not many things had changed in the short years that I had been absent. There were only a few new buildings and stores but overall things had remained the same. I had missed my village though I was not all that eager to return and face the people that I had left behind.

With a rueful shake of my head I glided down from my post to confront the ANBU members that stood guard around the entrance. Security had been tightened drastically ever since the confrontation with Oto.

"Halt! Who goes there!?! State your business in the village of Konoha!"

"I am Kitsune, official member of the ANBU Black Ops Squadron Twelve home to report on a completed S-class mission to the Lord Hokage herself. May I pass?"

"Show proper identification to the guards at the gate and your acceptance to the village shall be determined."

Nodding I approached the small hidden door in the much larger village gates to wait for my inspector to appear. The person that arrived both surprised and pleased me.

Neji.

I chuckled to myself. I should have figured that he would have eventually made ANBU as well. After all he is a Hyuuga and the Tori mask seemed to suit him well enough.

"Identification." Yes that was certainly the Neji that I knew and loved. That bland, bored tone of his could not be copied by anyone. I pulled out the necessary blue card carefully so as not to startle him and opened the side of the cloak that I wore in order to flash my Leaf head-band at him. Pausing momentarily to check the authenticity of my id he quickly nodded to the other patrol members that I checked out just fine.

"Welcome home Kitsune, and congratulations on a successful mission. I shall escort you to the Hokage's office and I am sure that she will see you momentarily. Please follow me." Without another word he sped off into the village, soaring over buildings and leaping over trees. I followed him closely, his speed not really phasing me since I knew that I could far surpass it. I was however still slightly surprised that Neji and the others at the gate had not recognized me, but then again I suppose it was explainable since no one ANBU member knew who his fellow comrades were, not even the identification that I had presented would have given away my true identity. For all the rest of the rookie-nine knew I had simply disappeared.

Very shortly we reached the great tower and slowing our speed, stepped inside and traveled up the stairs. As we paused at the door to the Hokage's office he turned to me and asked, "Is there any specific message that you would like me to give Lady Tsunade when I announce you?"

An interesting question that one was. I needed something to tell her to give her a hint about who I was without Neji realizing my identity as well. I suddenly felt the light bulb above my head burst into flames. It was perfect.

"Yes. Tell Lady Tsunade that the one thought lost has returned to his den once more. She will know the meaning behind the phrase."

"As you wish." With that Neji swiftly turned and entered the room, closing the door behind him. Mere moments later a loud crash was heard as well as screams to send me in.

A drastically more ruffled Neji exited the room than the one that had entered it.

"The Hokage will see you now."

Grinning behind my mask I walked calmly through the door only to be pulled into a bone crushing embrace seconds after the door was closed.

"Naruto!! You've finally returned home to me!"

Once again I could feel the tears of someone I cared about soak my skin as she cried out years of loneliness into my neck. Removing my mask I wrapped my arms around her and gently soothed her with my voice in her ear whispering how much I had missed her and that I was here to stay.

Finally the great and powerful Sannin composed herself enough to pull away and look me in the eyes.

"It is so good to see you again brat."

"And you Tsunade. You have no idea how much I have missed our talks these past years."

"I can imagine. Things have been so dull around here with out you these past years! But enough about that it is time for you to give me answers. Answers that are long overdue. Tell me why it was so important that you leave that night? Did it have something to do with Iruka and Kakashi?"

I swallowed slightly. Even after five years it still hurt to think of that night.

"W-Why would you ask that?"

She raised her eyebrow at me, clearly saying that she knew something was afoot. "Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that just an hour or so after you left a sobbing Iruka and a rigid Kakashi staggered into my office begging me for your location. When I told them that you had left for an undetermined length of time Iruka broke down. He had to spend three days in the medical wing for observation and then another week under supervision since he refused to eat anything until he saw you again."

I sucked my breathe in sharply. Iruka. "I-Is he alright now?"

"Yes he is better but he has not been the same. It is as if a piece of his spark died that night, the same to be said of Kakashi though I do believe Iruka was and is much worse. Not a day has passed that either if not both of the two have failed to come here and ask for you."

I dragged a shaky hand across my face. "I...see. As for your question...yes. The reason I left does involve Iruka and Kakashi though I do not really wish to discuss it. It is complicated and extremely painful. Perhaps one day I will be able to tell you about it but that time is not now. Do you understand?"

"Yes. But Naruto, know that I am always here for you no matter what."

"Thank you, that means more to me than you could ever know. Now then I am afraid that I must leave, there are things that need my attention after such a long time away."

"Alright then. Oh and I am glad that you could make it back in time for you birthday this year. It would have been sad to celebrate without you again."

I froze halfway out the window. My birthday, how...nice. I had in my foolishness forgotten that it was only a couple of hours until the celebration of the defeat of the nine tailed would officially begin.

"Yes...my birthday. I am sure that it will be a wonderful occasion just like usual." With that cryptic remark I was gone, out the window and streaking across town to my apartment. I wanted to reach home quickly since I knew that Tsunade would waste no time informing Iruka and the others that I was home again. I had perhaps until morning before the first visitors arrived. So I carefully armed my safeguards and settled down to enjoy my first night back in my village and perhaps the last night of peace I would have for some time to come.

THE NEXT MORNING

I awoke the next morning as I normally did, quickly and with no delay. I rose from the bed and fixed breakfast from the rations that I had left in my pack and quickly set out to do the mandatory shopping before the market place grew crowded. I of course used henge to shop so as to avoid unnecessary confrontations and to get the fairest deals on the produce and fruits that I was buying. Afterwards I simply wandered around the village, reacquainting myself with the places, the sounds, and the smells of home.

As it approached night I returned home only to freeze at the sight that greeted me.

You.

Iruka.

You stood there frozen just as I was but only briefly before you launched yourself at me. I tensed, almost expecting to be attacked before your warms arms wrapped themselves around me and squeezed for all they were worth.

"Naruto...you've come home. You've finally come back to me!"

My heart ached. Oh how I wish that it was really you I was coming home to instead of the dark and empty apartment that waited for me. But no matter how much I loved you still I would do what was best for you and your safety. After all I did not want your life to be endangered when they came for me. And come they would. Already news of my return had flown across the village and I knew that tonight I would not be spared the birthday visits of old.

"Iruka-sensei you need to leave. You can not be here, not today, never on this day. I need you to leave."

'Naruto...what's wrong? Why are you pushing me away after all of this time?! I need to talk with you, tell you things, so many things, that I never got to tell you all that time ago!

Please do not push me away!!"

"Please! Iruka! If you ever cared for me in the slightest please leave! We can speak tomorrow but just do not stay here any longer!! It's not safe! Please go home! You can not be with me on this day, never on this day!!"

"Why!? Why won't you let me stay!!!? Why!?" You cried. I could tell by the tone of your voice that the idea of me refusing you hurt you deeply and for that my heart bleed but I would do what was needed.

I could not however stop the raising of my voice or the desperation that seeped through.

"Because it is my birthday!!" I was suddenly weary again, soul wise more than body. "It is my birthday. They will come as they have come each year and I refuse to let you see me that way. I will not resist them but I would not be able to control the Kyuubi if something were to happen to you. So please Iruka...just leave. Come tomorrow after the wounds have healed and we will speak then. But for now, please just go."

"Naruto..."

"Please." I turned and scooping up my discarded bags I managed to get inside my apartment and close the door, locking it firmly and leaving you frozen out in the hall. Calmly I put away my purchases and began to prepare for the night ahead. I stripped down to a pair of old and yet comfortable pants and forwent a shirt. It did not matter since it was likely that I would be naked and bloody by the time the night was through anyways. I also let down the henge that I used in order for the scars of the past to be present. It made no sense to cover them from those that had inflicted them in the first place.

And thus I waited. Sitting in the middle of my living room I watched as time slowly crawled past. As the hour grew later I could gradually here the first of what would soon be a mob forming outside of my home, just as they did every year. Yet still I waited for that specific time when I knew things would change.

The clock struck nine and it began.

The first rock struck my window, reinforced by chakra to enable it to travel the difference and yet still not strong enough to break the reinforced windows that I had saved so much of my hard earned money to special order from Suna. I had been forced to live meagerly, or at least more so than was usual, for months to afford them but in the long run it was worth it. No more painful glass shards flying around and slicing into me or my few meager belongings.

More rocks and stones quickly followed the first, soon accompanied by kunai, shuriken, and even a few senbon needles. I knew that things were just beginning and that they could only get worse from here on out. But I was content to sit and wait as I had for so many years before. I knew in the very depths of my soul that there was no avoiding the things that would happen tonight. In the fairy tales that I had often heard while sitting outside someone else's window as a child I would be saved by some great hero just as the violence began. As a child for a very brief amount of time I had hoped that this would be so. That some mysterious stranger who had seen my worth would one day save me, or that friends

I did not know I had would rally together and come to my rescue. My life, however was far from a fairy tale. There would be no wondrous and spectacular savior or group of friends that would come and take me away from that bloodthirsty mob that waited all year long to tear the flesh from my bones and to bathe in my blood and sadness.

So I sat, and I waited just as I had always done and I feared I would always do.

Time wore on as it normally does and things grew gradually worse by the minute. I could tell by the increase of rocks and rotten foods that the mob outside had grown both in number and in rage. Ranks of civilians would now be coming to swell the already large number of shinobi hell bent on causing me pain and harm. It did not matter to them that I too had suffered at the hands of the Kyuubi, that I too had lost family to the wrath of the youkai kitsune. All they could see in all of their narrow minded glory was the shadow of the Kyuubi ever present behind me, always overshadowing my few attempts at recognition and acceptance.

Weary and yet content to sit in the silence and enjoy the few more hours I had before the real pain started, I sighed and settled into my now customary pose of relaxation to begin my daily meditation exercises. It was a habit that I had picked up long ago and had perfected over the years with the help of the many chakra control exercises that I had been taught by my numerous teachers. It was something that I often thanked Kami for.

Meditation was often my only means of escape from the cruel reality that was my life. It allowed me to use my vast imagination to project myself outwards into a different time or place. I could fight alongside my great and honorable father, or I could run through the woods with the animals without being judged. It was however one of the reasons that I had often gotten in trouble in the academy with Iruka. I had a bad habit of drifting off into the clouds and my grades suffered for it constantly.

My inner musings were interrupted at the loud sounds of what seemed to be fighting outside. That was without a doubt most unusual. Normally the fighting did not begin until the mob reached the interior of my home. Then they would begin to argue and squabble over who got the punish the youkai first, like carrion birds over a freshly killed carcass.

Their yelling and screeching would drown out all of the joyous sounds from the festival that would rage outside in the village square for hours to come. Never before had the arguing and the fighting started before they had entered my very own sanctuary.

My innate sense of curiosity drove me to my feet and yet I could not bring myself to approach the window, the sight of me at the glass would do nothing but enrage the further and I would like to have a home to come back to no matter how ragged and broken it was. So with thoughts in mind I turned back to regain my former seat when suddenly sounds began to reach me that I had never once in all of my years heard on this night.

Cries of pain that were not my own.

Startled I turned back and as I once again approached the window other sounds began to reach my ears as well.

"Leaf Hurricane!!"

""Fang over Fang!!"

"Rotation."

"Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!!"

"Hurricane Formation!"

Rushing forward now I pressed myself against the glass desperate to see what exactly was going on outside. The sight that met my eyes almost drove me to my knees. They were there just like the fairy tales that I no longer believed in. The people that I would have considered friends. The ones that I thought would have no care for my life were there and they were fighting. They were tearing through the massive crowd that had approach and surrounded my humble home and they were fighting to push them back and away from me.

They fought without intent to kill, only to stun and drive away my would be attackers.

They fought to gain ground only. To move closer and closer to my hiding place. I could smell it in their scents even through the glass. They were fighting to lose.

And lose they would.

They fought with no malicious intent. They fought only to protect but the ones against which they battled fought for pain and suffering. They fought only to gain ground enough to once again come to me and inflict the agony they felt was my due. They knew that I was evil, to them I was nothing more than death embodied. Suffering given human form.

And because of my sins as the Kyuubi my human life would be nothing but a return of the pain that I had supposedly caused others.

They fought with death in their hearts and as such those who fought with only protecting in their hearts would not win this night. Those who would be my saviors fought against shinobi and civilian alike and though their skills were great, far greater than most, their resolve to not kill on this night would be their downfall.

I shook my head painfully. I dare not go outside to shoo them away. My presence would cause the small riot to turn into a full blown war. I once again turned my face away from what I would call my only light and began to walk when a sound that turned what was left of my soul to ice.

Your pained voice screaming out in the night. The sharp sweet smell of your blood quickly followed.

I froze as I felt fire race through my blood. I could feel the air in my home begin to heat as the Kyuubi began to throw massive amounts of chakra at my system all at once. Blood began to dot the inside of my mouth as my fangs began to lengthen. I could feel the whisker marks on my face begin to thicken as my very skin began to burn. I could not stop the rage that poured through my soul.

They had done to unthinkable!! The had dared to soil you with their hands. They had the nerve to draw your blood, to make you cry out in pain. For their torture of me they would not be punished. For their mistreatment of you their blood would stain my claws crimson and wet my body like rain from hell itself. I would bathe in their cries of suffering and I would consume their very souls with the beasts chakra!! Their would be nothing left for them to burn. I would leave no bodies behind for their families to mourn. So help me Kami-sama for every drop of your blood that was spilt whole families would be lost to this world. For every tear towers would crumble.

I felt the rage overflow and for the first time in my life I reveled in it, what is more, I embraced it with open arms.

With a flick of my wrist the wall of my apartment exploded outward and I launched myself into the sky with a howl that had not been heard in over twenty years. Without thought I landed in the middle of the crowd thrashing the tails that I had not realized I possessed. Who or what the struck I did not know, nor did I care. If they got in my way they would die, if they fled they would live...for the time being. Rage driven I burrowed through the crowd until the scent of your blood was almost over powering. And there as I passed the inner ring of the crowd I found you, blooded with a kunai protruding from your back, so similar to how you looked that day and yet I could tell this was worse. The blood level was too high, the scent of pain too ripe and the agony in your voice too apparent.

Calling upon the legacy of speed left to me I flashed to your body, a simple blur of gold and red. The shocked gasps of the crowd were proof that they recognized the godlike speed when they saw it. The only one who could do that technique in its complete form was the honorable Fourth Hokage.

I ripped the offensive object from your skin and with the force of my chakra alone I melted it in my palm. Using the heat from my own body I burned the wound upon your back closed and pumped chakra into the wound at the same time in order to repair the damage done to you. I would use my meager knowledge to heal you and if you did not return to your full self the village itself would fall before my feet.

As I cradled your now sleeping form in my arms I jolted at the touch of a hand upon my shoulder and it was then that I noticed the crowd was deathly quiet. I looked up and over my shoulder to come face to face with...

"Kakashi..." My voice was barely human, an animalistic rumble mixed with a strange sort of purring sound.

He did not flinch at the sound of my rumbled speech nor did he remove his hand even though I knew that the strength of my chakra must have been burning through his gloves and scorching his skin by now.

"Naruto. I am so sorry. I wanted to tell you, no we wanted to tell you that we are so very sorry for never noticing before." He motioned to himself and those who had came and fought alongside him.

"Save it Kakashi. Your words have no meaning to me right now. How could you let him come here?! How could any of you come here. I told him to stay away!! I told him! Why would you come!!!?!" The pain in my voice was evident as I clutched his unconscious form to my chest.

"He found us Naruto." Neji's voice was a calm patch in an explosive storm waiting to happen.

"Yes he found us and explained and we could do naught but come to your youthful aide!!!" Lee made his own presence known.

"He found us, one by one he hunted us down and explained the situation until we all agreed that this could not be allowed to continue." Kakashi voiced his opinion.

I placed your body gently upon the ground and rose to my feet.

"I thank you, all of you for coming. You shall never know what your presence means to me." I turned slightly to look down at you and one of the fire like tails that I sported seemed to ripple and suddenly was a solid fur covered being. I gently wrapped it around your form and lifted you easily into the air.

"Then do me this one favor. Take him from me and leave, go to Tsunade. Gather your families and go to the tower. Lock the doors and windows, and for two days do not open either. Stay there and you shall be safe. I am going to end this once and for all."

I gently placed your body into the open arms of Lee and I turned to face the crowd.

"So I am the Kyuubi!!?!" They roared their agreement to the night sky, so sure in their opinions that they knew not what they were invoking with those words.

"You are fools! I was not the creature that you believed me to be! I was a child, a boy with no family and no friends. I had no one to look after me. I was the son of your beloved Fourth Hokage!!" I flared my tails out around me slamming them into the ground, creating large ditches and craters wherever they landed.

"This is the monster that you have created! I am now the embodiment of your sins! I am the creature of darkness that you have always believed me to be! But my darkness is no longer my own it belongs to each and every one of you. You wanted me to be the Kyuubi so badly that you yourselves have molded me to be such a monster. Your hatred and cruelness will be your own undoing. I shall reap this village of all of you. Not a single one shall survive."

I lifted my now clawed hands and began to summon forth chakra. I would quell the ranks now before the chases began. These next two days would be long and blood filled but they would be satisfactory. As my finger tips began to glow red similar to Tsunade's healing techniques I closed my eyes and offered up one last prayer for their souls to be damned for all eternity.

Opening my eyes I steeled my resolve, they all deserved to die for what they had done to you. My hand steadied and I prepared myself to unleash the first of many blows that would fall this night. Just as I began to make the sweeping motion that would unleash the powerful blast a hand clamped around my wrist and a body slammed into my chest.

I looked down fully intent on killing whomever had dared to touch me so and I saw you.

"Please Naruto. Please. Do not do this. Stay with me. Let them leave with their lives and live with me. We can start over right here, right now. All of us will finally be a family. We will always stay with you, I will always stay with you. I love you Naruto."

Those words, I had waited so long to hear those words from you the way that you said them. I felt the anger fade from my body and the fire that burned within slowly began to calm. Things would be alright again because I had you. My arms came down to hug you to my body as if you were going to run away. I loved you still and I always would.

And as the rain broke from clouds previously unnoticed I knew that I was finally being cleansed of the hate that had once dominated my life. I knew that this time I really could make a new start, that this time I would have help, I would have you.

And I did for many years.

I sit here now, an old man, wise beyond even my years and proud of this village that I now can call my own. I sit here at your grave and write this letter to you and all of the others. I am the last from our day still left alive. Times have changed and I have taken much longer than any of you to grow older and die. We all knew that would happen. I kept my promise

to you all and I help the generations that came after our own.

The village is safe now from the hatred that once tainted it. It is a happy prosperous place and I pray that it shall stay that way for many years to come. I shall come to see you very soon, please wait for me.

As you did so long ago, please wait for me to come home, wait for me to come to you...

Because even though the years have passed and many things have changed...I still remember who you are.

I shall never forget you.

The one who captivates me still.

The one who even now as I lay dying haunts my every thought and dream...

I love you.


End file.
